IMPAMVU ABASINZI BAZAJYA MU IJURU!
1. Amahame y’abasinzi :
- Niba ikirahure kiri vide, cyuzuze byeri ; niba cyuzuye, maramo byeri, and so on…;
- Niba bibujijwe gutwara wanyweye, inywere, gutwara ubireke ;
- Niba inzoga ituma ukora nabi, reka akazi ;
- Uzakubwira ko ubusinzi bwica gahoro gahoro, uzamubwire ko n’ubundi utashakaga gupfa vuba vuba !
- Unyweye agirwa no gusinda ; usinze arasinzira ; usinziriye nta cyaha akora, kandi udakora icyaha azajya mu ijuru. Nimureke twinywere rero, tuzajya mu ijuru…
2. Umwana yabajije se wari umusinzi ruharwa impamvu ahora atitira, nta kabaraga, se aramusubiza ati « mwana wanjye kumanuka mu mikuku y’aha ruguru utwaye igare si ibintu ! » Umwana arongera ati : « none se ko mbona ujya utitira n’iyo utatwaye igare ?! » Se ati « mwana wanjye n’iyo wahagenda n’amaguru imikuku irakwica, ukagera mu rugo wabaye igisenzegeri ! »
Nyina w’umwana yumvise ukuntu umugabo we ari kubeshya, asingira icupa ryuzuye byeri arihereza umwana ati « enda di, hereza so iyo mikuku ! »
3. Umusaza wari waranyoye inzoga nyinshi zitandukanye zo ku isi yaganiriye n’abuzukuru be, ababwira uburyo ari umuhanga w’inzoga. Ati « inzoga yose wampa nahita nkubwira uko yitwa ! » Abana barabipinga biratinda, bigeze aho bumvikana kuzajya muri SERENA Hotel (aho bizeraga gusanga amoko menshi yazo) bakareba koko niba aribyo.
Haciyeho iminsi, umuryango wose urakorana ngo urebe uburyo uwo mukurambere w’inararinyoye abemeza. Bamupfuka mu maso, batangira kumuha inzoga, bakazajya bamubaza iyo ari yo, agasubiza adategwa. Bamaze kumuha amoko nka 20 atandukanye, biyemeza kumuha amazi ngo bumve. Umusaza ayanyweye ati "nanyweye nyinshi, iyi yo sinyizi, bana ba !"
4. Umusinzi yarebye mu mufuka we, asanga afitemo amafaranga 2000 yonyine, yiyemeza kujya kwiba ngo yongereho anywe agatama. Boutique ya mbere agezeho yarinjiye, ashyira bya 2000 kuri comptoir ati « munvunjire ! » Undi agifungura caisse, umusinzi akura mu mufuka igice cy’icupa yari yatoraguye, agitunga nyiri butiki ati « zana amafaranga ufite yose aho!» Undi arafungura, umusinzi akuramo arimo yose ariruka.
Ageze mu kabari, atangira kugurira abari aho bose ati « babahe sha, nasaruye ! » Igihe cyo kwishyura kigeze, arebye ya mafaranga yibye asanga ni 400 gusa, kuko ariyo yari muri caisse ! Tubibutse ko yari yasize 2000 kuri ya comptoir….
5. Umugabo w’umunywi w’intangarugero (rubi), yatashye iwe yasinze, yarutse, yakoze n’ibindi biteye iseseme. Akigera mu nzu, yanga gucana itara, atinya ko umugore we yamwumva. Atangiye gusodoka, umugore aba acanye itara ati « dore, dore, dore, singufashe wasinze ? Pu ! Dore cyanarutse ! » Umugabo arabeshya ati « mba nkuroga, dear, umuntu twazanye muri taxi niwe wandukiye ! »
Umugore yafashe imyenda ahita ajya kuyimesa, ngo umwanda utararaho. Arangije, araza abaza umugabo ati « umuntu wakurukiye ntumuzi ? »Umugabo ati « reka da ! ni ubwa mbere twari duhuye ! Kubera iki se umbajije ibyo, chérie ? » Umugore ati « nagize ngo uramuzi ngo nimuhura uzamukurire ingofero, ashobora kuba ari magicien kabisa. Nawe se, yageze n’aho yituma mu ikariso yawe ntiwabimenya !? »
6. Umusinzi yagiye kugura urupapuro rwo kwisukura (p. h./toilet paper), maze bamubaza ibara ashaka, nawe ati « nimumpe iy’umweru bana, ibara rizishyiraho ninyikoresha… »
7. Bamwe mu bamanyuramazi batangarije IGIHE.COM impamvu bakunda byeri kurusha abagore :
- Ushobora kunywa byeri ebyiri zitandukanye nta mahane, nta kwihishira (ibeshye ubikore ku bagore se?);
- Iyo nkeneye byeri ntabwo imbwira ngo « chéri, ndumva ndwaye umutwe »;
- Byeri irandyohera buri gihe (mu gihe umugore ashobora kumbihiriza);
- Byeri nta shyari igirira indi;
- Si ngombwa ko utura imitoma byeri ngo ikunde uyinywe;
- Byeri nta magambo igira;
- Byeri nta kwezi igira (cycle menstruel), inyobwa iminsi 28 kuri 28;
- Byeri nta famille igira yo kuza kuntesha umutwe ;
- Biroroshye kumenya by’ukuri imyaka byeri imaze ibayeho…
- Byeri wayisangira n’inshuti zawe (ibeshye ubakorere ku mugore se!);
- Iyo uhuye na byeri y’inyamahanga murumvikana, nta kibazo cy’ururimi kibaho…
Olivier NTAGANZWA
- Niba ikirahure kiri vide, cyuzuze byeri ; niba cyuzuye, maramo byeri, and so on…;
- Niba bibujijwe gutwara wanyweye, inywere, gutwara ubireke ;
- Niba inzoga ituma ukora nabi, reka akazi ;
- Uzakubwira ko ubusinzi bwica gahoro gahoro, uzamubwire ko n’ubundi utashakaga gupfa vuba vuba !
- Unyweye agirwa no gusinda ; usinze arasinzira ; usinziriye nta cyaha akora, kandi udakora icyaha azajya mu ijuru. Nimureke twinywere rero, tuzajya mu ijuru…
2. Umwana yabajije se wari umusinzi ruharwa impamvu ahora atitira, nta kabaraga, se aramusubiza ati « mwana wanjye kumanuka mu mikuku y’aha ruguru utwaye igare si ibintu ! » Umwana arongera ati : « none se ko mbona ujya utitira n’iyo utatwaye igare ?! » Se ati « mwana wanjye n’iyo wahagenda n’amaguru imikuku irakwica, ukagera mu rugo wabaye igisenzegeri ! »
Nyina w’umwana yumvise ukuntu umugabo we ari kubeshya, asingira icupa ryuzuye byeri arihereza umwana ati « enda di, hereza so iyo mikuku ! »
3. Umusaza wari waranyoye inzoga nyinshi zitandukanye zo ku isi yaganiriye n’abuzukuru be, ababwira uburyo ari umuhanga w’inzoga. Ati « inzoga yose wampa nahita nkubwira uko yitwa ! » Abana barabipinga biratinda, bigeze aho bumvikana kuzajya muri SERENA Hotel (aho bizeraga gusanga amoko menshi yazo) bakareba koko niba aribyo.
Haciyeho iminsi, umuryango wose urakorana ngo urebe uburyo uwo mukurambere w’inararinyoye abemeza. Bamupfuka mu maso, batangira kumuha inzoga, bakazajya bamubaza iyo ari yo, agasubiza adategwa. Bamaze kumuha amoko nka 20 atandukanye, biyemeza kumuha amazi ngo bumve. Umusaza ayanyweye ati "nanyweye nyinshi, iyi yo sinyizi, bana ba !"
4. Umusinzi yarebye mu mufuka we, asanga afitemo amafaranga 2000 yonyine, yiyemeza kujya kwiba ngo yongereho anywe agatama. Boutique ya mbere agezeho yarinjiye, ashyira bya 2000 kuri comptoir ati « munvunjire ! » Undi agifungura caisse, umusinzi akura mu mufuka igice cy’icupa yari yatoraguye, agitunga nyiri butiki ati « zana amafaranga ufite yose aho!» Undi arafungura, umusinzi akuramo arimo yose ariruka.
Ageze mu kabari, atangira kugurira abari aho bose ati « babahe sha, nasaruye ! » Igihe cyo kwishyura kigeze, arebye ya mafaranga yibye asanga ni 400 gusa, kuko ariyo yari muri caisse ! Tubibutse ko yari yasize 2000 kuri ya comptoir….
5. Umugabo w’umunywi w’intangarugero (rubi), yatashye iwe yasinze, yarutse, yakoze n’ibindi biteye iseseme. Akigera mu nzu, yanga gucana itara, atinya ko umugore we yamwumva. Atangiye gusodoka, umugore aba acanye itara ati « dore, dore, dore, singufashe wasinze ? Pu ! Dore cyanarutse ! » Umugabo arabeshya ati « mba nkuroga, dear, umuntu twazanye muri taxi niwe wandukiye ! »
Umugore yafashe imyenda ahita ajya kuyimesa, ngo umwanda utararaho. Arangije, araza abaza umugabo ati « umuntu wakurukiye ntumuzi ? »Umugabo ati « reka da ! ni ubwa mbere twari duhuye ! Kubera iki se umbajije ibyo, chérie ? » Umugore ati « nagize ngo uramuzi ngo nimuhura uzamukurire ingofero, ashobora kuba ari magicien kabisa. Nawe se, yageze n’aho yituma mu ikariso yawe ntiwabimenya !? »
6. Umusinzi yagiye kugura urupapuro rwo kwisukura (p. h./toilet paper), maze bamubaza ibara ashaka, nawe ati « nimumpe iy’umweru bana, ibara rizishyiraho ninyikoresha… »
7. Bamwe mu bamanyuramazi batangarije IGIHE.COM impamvu bakunda byeri kurusha abagore :
- Ushobora kunywa byeri ebyiri zitandukanye nta mahane, nta kwihishira (ibeshye ubikore ku bagore se?);
- Iyo nkeneye byeri ntabwo imbwira ngo « chéri, ndumva ndwaye umutwe »;
- Byeri irandyohera buri gihe (mu gihe umugore ashobora kumbihiriza);
- Byeri nta shyari igirira indi;
- Si ngombwa ko utura imitoma byeri ngo ikunde uyinywe;
- Byeri nta magambo igira;
- Byeri nta kwezi igira (cycle menstruel), inyobwa iminsi 28 kuri 28;
- Byeri nta famille igira yo kuza kuntesha umutwe ;
- Biroroshye kumenya by’ukuri imyaka byeri imaze ibayeho…
- Byeri wayisangira n’inshuti zawe (ibeshye ubakorere ku mugore se!);
- Iyo uhuye na byeri y’inyamahanga murumvikana, nta kibazo cy’ururimi kibaho…
Olivier NTAGANZWA